


The First Big Fight

by Mae01



Series: Marauders Modern AU [18]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Best Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Fanfiction, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), One Shot, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:08:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29456502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mae01/pseuds/Mae01
Summary: Remus and Sirius are having their first big fight as a couple. Words are said and Remus walks out.1:38 am: Don’t worry. As much as you probably wish, I’m not a harm to myself. - Remus1:39 am: I didn’t mean it, Remus. Please come home. - Sirius
Relationships: Harry Potter & James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin & James Potter, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Harry Potter & James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Marauders Modern AU [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138295
Comments: 1
Kudos: 65





	The First Big Fight

**Author's Note:**

> This is a stand-alone work. There are other stories in the universe, but you do not need to read other stories to understand this one.
> 
> I do not own any Harry Potter characters all characters belong to JK Rowling.

“Would you just talk to me?”

“I’ve tried! I’ve tried talking to you and it gets us nowhere!”

  
  


They always say to wait to get married until you have your first big fight. They say wait so you both get to see the other person when they are so frustrated they just want to yell. Wait so that you can see how they let their anger out. Wait until you have the big fight so you know if you’ll be able to stand it for the rest of your life. Sometimes the first big fight happens within a month. Maybe it takes a year for the first big fight but you should wait for the first big fight because that may be the breaking point where you both realize that when the hard times come, neither of you will want to fight for the other.

  
  


Sirius and Remus didn’t wait for the first big fight. They had been friends since they were 17, they started dating at 23, and they got married at 25. They are now 26, they have been married for just over a year and they were now having their first big fight. It wasn’t pretty and it had been building over the past couple of days. They didn’t know what had started it but everything was setting the other off and they had reached the climax of their fight. At 11:48 pm on a Thursday night, Remus and Sirius were screaming at each other in the bedroom.

“You’ve literally been home all day! You couldn’t have spent just 10 minutes cleaning the kitchen?!”

“I had better things to do than clean the kitchen!”

“Oh, really? Did you have better things, Sirius? Did you have better things or did you just think that I would come home and clean the kitchen like I always do?”

“You don’t always clean the kitchen, Remus! Would you stop acting like you’re the only person who does work around the house?!”

“Maybe I would stop acting like that if I wasn’t the only person who did the cleaning!”

“Really? Well, who does the cleaning when you are too depressed and lazy to clean?! Who knows at this point, maybe you only fake those depressive episodes so I do some cleaning. That would make sense now, wouldn’t it?”

“Are you serious right now?...”

“Remus, I didn’t mean it-”

“Like hell, you didn’t! You know I can’t help those!”

“I know, I just-”

“Oh yes, of course, you know! Of course, you know that I can’t help being depressed. I mean, you know everything, don’t you? You know everything about everyone which is why you act like you are so much better than everyone!”

“I don’t think I am better than everyone!”

“Oh no, of course, you don’t. You just think you’re above cleaning the house. Why not just let Remus do that? He might as well clean since I am above that lowly work.”

“I have never said that! I have never said that I am above you!”

“Maybe not, but you sure act like it! I mean after all, at least you don’t have depressive episodes. That’s what this is about, isn’t it? They are an inconvenience to you because then you have to do a little bit of cleaning when I’m just ‘too lazy’ to clean!”

“You know what? Maybe you do just use them for attention. I mean when you’re depressed you get all the attention! We all drop everything to take care of you!”

“I’ve never asked you to drop everything! I’ve told you that I can deal with them on my own!”

“Oh, of course! Let’s just leave you alone in a depressive episode so you can finally finish yourself and we wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore!” As soon as the words left Sirius’ mouth, the air in the room froze. Sirius had crossed a line and they both knew it. Time seemed to still as the two men stared at each other in shock. Sirius was shocked that he said that and Remus was shocked he had brought it up in a fight. 

“Fuck you, Black,” Remus uttered quietly with no fight behind the words. Grabbing his phone and wallet from the dresser, Remus walked out of the room.

Sirius just stood there as he couldn’t understand why he had said those words. Why would he say that to someone, let alone his husband? Sirius sat down on the side of the bed before putting his head in his hands. Why would he say something like that? He knew that Remus struggled with accepting help during his episodes but Sirius had always told him that it was okay and that he was happy to help Remus during those times. Why would Sirius even think about saying something like that? Maybe because he knew it would shut down the fight? Even if that’s why he said the words, they were no excuse. Ever since Remus’ attempt in high school, Remus had never even thought or considered killing himself. He didn’t want to die. When Remus was in a depressive episode, he was never at risk of hurting himself or killing himself. It made it easier to get out of the episodes with friends, but he could do it on his own. Remus had never referred to Sirius as a ‘Black.’ If they were in a fight, Remus would either use ‘Sirius’ or ‘Potter.’ Remus had never called him a Black and even now after what Sirius had said, Sirius found that he had no right to be hurt by what Remus said. There was no fight or energy behind the words. Sirius picked up his phone and checked the time. It was 1:26 am. Deciding to go find Remus, Sirius left the bedroom and started calling for his husband.

“Remus?” No answer came from the house. As Sirius started walking around the house, he found no sign of his husband. “Remus? Love? I’m sorry!” When no answer came, Sirius started to get worried. After checking the entire house and the backyard, Sirius tried calling him but the call went straight to voicemail. As Sirius went to call again, a text came in from Remus.

( **Remus** /  _ Sirius  _ )

1:34 am:  **Don’t wait up.**

1:35 am:  _ Rem, I’m sorry. Please come home. _

1:36 am:  **I need space.**

1:37 am:  _ Rem, please come home. I need to know you’re safe. _

1:38 am:  **Don’t worry. As much as you probably wish, I’m not a harm to myself.**

1:39 am:  _ I didn’t mean it, Remus. Please come home. _

1:45 am:  _ I’m so sorry… _

Sirius stayed sitting at the kitchen table watching the door. He was on his fifth cup of coffee when a knock came from the front door. Looking at the time, Sirius saw that it was 8:45 am. Was Remus back? Running to the door, Sirius opened it to see him brother, James, standing there with the car keys in his hands.

“Hey! You alright? You look like you haven’t slept,” James commented when he saw Sirius’ face.

“Uh, I’m fine. Why are you here?”

“It’s Friday? We have to open The Order because the other employees don’t start until 11 and we open at 9… Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” Sirius said as he turned around to go up the stairs. “I just need to get changed, sorry.”

Five minutes later, James and Sirius were in the car and driving to The Order to open up. Sirius was unnaturally quiet and unfocussed the entire two hours he and James worked which only worried James. Any question that James asked, Sirius would just ignore. At the end of the two hours, James and Sirius were back in the car and James started firing questions to find out what was wrong with his brother.

“Did something happen? Are you okay? Can I do anything, Pads?”

“James, please just stop.”

“But something is wrong-”

“Yes, thanks for pointing that out. If you could just pull over, I think I would prefer to walk back.” Sirius was done with this all. Sirius just wanted to find Remus and apologize over and over again.

“No, Sirius. I’m not going to just pull over! Something is wrong and I want to help you but I can’t help you if don’t tell me what’s going on.”

“Just drop it, James. This doesn’t need your help!” They were pulling into the driveway and Sirius just needed to last another minute. Just another minute and he could break down in the safety of his house and try to find his husband. Just one more minute.

“Are you and Remus okay?”

“Goddamit James! Can you just shut the fuck up?!” Climbing out of the car, Sirius walked to his house and locked the door behind him. Taking his phone out of his pocket, Sirius texted Remus again.

( **Remus** /  _ Sirius  _ )

1:39 am:  _ I didn’t mean it, Remus. Please come home. _

1:45 am:  _ I’m so sorry… _

3:48 am:  _ Rem? _

8:47 am:  _ James has picked me up for work, I’ll be home by 11:10. Please come home so we can talk. _

11:13 am:  _ Moony? Are you home? _

11:14 am:  **Sirius, please just let me have some fucking space. I’m not home but the buzzing of my phone isn’t helping me think. Just give me some damn space and I’ll come home. Just, stop. Please.**

11:15 am:  _ Okay, I love you. _

With no response, Sirius threw his phone on the couch. What was he supposed to do now? He couldn’t go over to the Potter’s because James obviously wouldn’t let him not talk about whatever was going on but he couldn’t just sit here and do nothing. Looking around the living room, Sirius decided to clean. He didn’t clean often, Remus was right about that. When Sirius had a free moment, he would either annoy one of his friends or his husband, play a game or take a nap. He barely took his free time to clean. Sirius let his mind wander, getting lost as he cleaned the house.

_ Why would I say something like that to Remus? I know he struggles whenever he has an episode and I offer to help.  _

_ Where is he? Is he okay? Maybe he’s with Lily? But if he was with Lily, wouldn’t James know what was wrong? Maybe he should call Lily and ask if she knows where Remus is. _

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, Sirius pulls out his phone and calls his sister-in-law.

( **Lily** /  _ Sirius  _ )

“ **Hello?** ”

“ _ Hey, Lily. It’s Sirius. _ ”

“ **Oh, hey! James and I were just talking about you. Everything alright?** ”

“ _ I’m fine. I was just wondering if you had seen Remus today? _ ”

“ **Remus? I haven’t… Is everything okay, Sirius?** ”

“ _ Everything is fine. Okay, if you hear from him can you let me know? _ ”

“ **Do you want me to call him?** ”

“ _ No, please don’t. Just tell me if you hear from him, okay? _ ”

“ **We are coming over-** ”

“ _ Lily, please don’t c- _ ”

“ **Sirius, we are family. We want to help.** ”

With that last comment, Lily hung up on Sirius. Sitting down on the couch, Sirius waited for the Potter’s to come in. His back door opened and in ran his nephew and his best friends.

“Pa’foo!” Harry exclaimed jumping at his uncle.

“Hey, Prongslet.”

James and Lily sat down on the other couch and watched Sirius smile at Harry. James and Lily could tell that his smile was strained but didn’t know what was going on. They sat and watched the two talk for a while before Lily decided to start asking Sirius what was going on.

“Sirius?”

“Yes, Lily?”

"Is everything okay?"

“I told you, everything is-”

“Fine. Yes, you told me that yet I don’t believe it.”

“Can you both please just drop it?”

“Padfoot,” James said. “Something is obviously wrong and then you called us asking if we had seen Remus. You know, your husband?”

“My husband? Wow, thanks for reminding me. I totally forgot that I married the only person I’ve loved with all of my heart. Thanks for that reminder.”

“Sirius,” Lily continued. “We just want to help.”

“I know, but there really isn’t much you could do which is why I didn’t want you both involved.”

James and Lily sat and stared at their friend. There wasn’t much they could do if Sirius wouldn’t tell them what was going on. 

“Sirius,” James started. “We aren’t asking for all of the details, we just want to be able to do something. You and Moony have helped us a lot in our relationship. We aren’t here to judge you or anything, we want to help in some way.”

“Okay,” Sirius said as he rubbed his eyes. “Okay, fine. We are fighting.”

“That’s not abnormal though? No offence, but you both fight a decent amount.”

“I know. We are like you both. Do you both remember your first big fight?”

“Yes,” Lily said. “What about it?”

“This is our first big fight.”

“Okay? So you will both get through it. What does that have to do with you asking us if I had heard from Remus?”

“Remus walked out last night.”

This caught Lily and James off guard. Remus walked out? Remus walked out after a fight? Remus was never the one to walk out after a fight, Remus would always stay and fight or stay and wait for the other person to calm down so they could talk.

“Sirius,” Lily said carefully. “Where is Remus?”

“I don’t know Lily!” Sirius exclaimed as he stood up and started pacing. “I don’t know where he is and that’s why I asked you!” Sirius was tearing up and he was trying hard to stay composed. “I don’t know where my husband went after we fought and that’s why I called you! You’re his best friend and I was hoping that he kicked Prongs out of your bed so that he could talk to you!” Tears were falling down Sirius’ face and he looked completely broken. The bags under his eyes were dark and his hair was a mess. “I don’t know where my husband went after he walked out and that’s why I called you when I got home!” 

“Sirius,” Lily said as she stood up to grab her brother-in-law’s hand. “He’s going to come back. Have you heard from him since he left?”

“I know he’ll come back, but I don’t know if he’ll stay when he comes back. He said he needs space to think.”

“What do you mean you don’t know if he’ll stay? Sirius, what happened?”

“You’re his sister, Lily. I can’t tell you. All I can say is that I crossed a line and I don’t know if he will be able to forgive me for it.”

“Sirius, what did you say to Remus?”

“Lily, please. I know what I said and I knew it was wrong as soon as it left my mouth and I have been beating myself up since he left. I don’t need to hear how awful of a husband I am from you two. I just want my husband back and I don’t need other people telling me what I did wrong.”

Getting up from the couch, James pulled his wife aside.

“Lily, why don’t you go put Harry down for a nap? I’ll be home in a while, okay?”

“Alright,” Lily replied, picking up Harry. “I’ll let you know if I hear from him.” Kissing both men on the cheek, Lily left the two men alone.

“Sirius?”

“What, Prongs?”

“How bad was it?”

“Really bad.”

“Why did you say it?”

“I don’t even know. I’ve never even thought what I said before but I just wanted the fight to be over. It slipped out of my mouth before I even knew what I said.”

“What did he do after?”

“He walked out. I told you that.”

“What did he say?”

“I never said he said something.”

“I know, but I know you both and I know he wouldn’t just leave without saying something.”

“He said ‘fuck you, Black.’”

“Sirius...”

“Don’t do that, James. I deserve it for what I said. He said it with no fight behind his words. He sounded dead when he said it and then he walked out.”

“Did you try to stop him when he left?”

“I didn’t think he was going to leave. When I went to look for him, he was nowhere in the house. I texted him and he told me not to wait up. But I did. I stayed up all night and waited for him to come home. He didn’t come home and then I texted him after I got home from work and he said he needed space and to stop texting him. I don’t even know how to fix this when he does come home. I just want him to come home, James.”

“I know, Pads. I know.”

Sirius spent the rest of Friday in his house cleaning while replying to texts from James to alleviate some of his brother’s worry. Sirius made a quick trip to the store Friday night to buy his husband some flowers in hopes that he would come home soon. There was a bouquet on the kitchen table, one on the coffee table in the living room, one on the dresser in their room and a final one on Remus’ bedside table. The entire house had been cleaned and it smelled like flowers. Sirius knew that cleaning the house and buying flowers couldn’t take back what he said or make it better. Sirius didn’t want to just do these things because his he had upset Remus, he should be cleaning the house and spoiling his husband because Sirius loves him. Sirius knew he was in the wrong and he knew he had no right to be hurt over Remus’ last comment. 

Sirius had deserved to be called a Black and he knew it. Sirius grew up watching his parents argue and fight each other. Sirius had never heard the Potters’ fight. He had never heard how his adoptive parents argued or how they solved their problems. Until Remus walked out last night, Sirius had fought the only way his parents had taught him; say whatever you can to shut the other person down and there are no boundaries in a fight. Sirius learned from his parents that you don’t back down from a fight and until Remus walked out, he saw nothing wrong with it. Sirius wouldn’t try to defend what he said to Remus when he comes back. If Remus asks why he said what he did, Sirius would tell him but not allow it to be an excuse. If Sirius had thought about his parents’ fighting sooner in life, Sirius may have been able to avoid this disaster with his husband.

It was Saturday afternoon when the front door opened while Sirius was sitting on the couch. Standing up, Sirius walked towards the entrance of the house.

“Remus?” As Sirius turned the corner into the kitchen, he saw Remus walk out of the entrance hallway into the kitchen.

“Hi,” Remus said quietly as he avoided looking up from his feet.

“Can I make you something to eat? Did you have lunch?”

“I’m fine, thanks though.” Remus’ voice sounded cold and Sirius couldn’t blame him for it. Remus wouldn’t look at him and he kept his eyes towards the ground. Sirius could feel his heart clench at the sight of how small his husband looked.

“Can we… Can you come sit in the living room with me so we can talk?” Without any words, Remus nodded his head and sat on a chair in the living room. It hurt Sirius that Remus didn’t sit on the couch so they could sit beside each other, but he understood. The two sat in silence until Remus finally broke it.

“You wanted to talk, so talk.”

“Where have you been?”

“I told you, I needed space.”

“I know you needed space and I tried to respect that. I don’t know where you’ve been and I’ve been worried. I talked to Lily-”

“You brought James and Lily into this?” Remus sounded hurt. He no longer had no emotion on his face, his face and his tone were now filled with hurt. “Why would you bring them into it? This isn’t their fight or something they need to know about.”

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t know what else to do. I just asked them if they had seen you. Where did you go?”

“I went to a hotel.”

“You… You left home to go stay at a hotel?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you go stay with Lily and James?”

“Because then I wouldn’t be able to think. They would be all over me and I wouldn’t be able to think.”

“I called them because when I realized you weren’t at home I thought that you went to their house. When James picked me up and didn’t say anything about you being at their house, I called Lily once I got home. I promise that-”

“Don’t use that word.”

“What word?”

“Don’t promise me anything if you won’t be able to keep it.”

“Remus...”

“Sirius, I’ve had time to think the past couple of days,” Remus sighed. He placed his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes. “Just, stop. Stop making promises if you won’t keep them. You had promised me you were happy to help me and… then that stopped.”

“I’m so sorry Remus… I have no excuse for what I did and I am so, so sorry.”

“Why did you say it? What made you say what you did?”

“I have no excuse for what I did. There is no excuse that makes what I said okay.”

“I know.” Remus was so tired. He knew that there was no excuse for what Sirius said but he also knew that Sirius had awful parents. Remus knew that Sirius had awful parental figures and that could be a reason behind what he said. “Why did you keep going? Why did you cross those lines? I know you, Sirius. I know that you wouldn’t cross that line twice if you were thinking. So tell me, why did you cross the lines.”

“Because that’s how I watched my parents fight. There were no boundaries and they would fight to shut the other person down. I didn’t know I was following in their steps until I said what I did last night. As soon as I said it, I knew I shouldn’t have.”

The house returned to silence. The only sounds in the house were the breathing of the two men. Sirius stared at Remus but Remus stared at the floor. His husband looked so hurt and Sirius couldn’t believe that he had caused the hurt. Remus rested his elbows on his knees and kept his head in his hands. Remus would rarely sit like this unless he was either extremely hurt or extremely worried. Sirius had caused this pain and he couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t stand what he had said and he couldn’t stand how he had been able to cause his husband to look so uncomfortable and so small in his own house.

“Remus?” 

Remus made a hum of acknowledgement but no verbal response. Taking this as a sound to continue, Sirius did.

“I know I hurt you and I am so, so sorry. I don’t have any excuse that would make what I said okay and even if I did I wouldn’t say it. What I said was out of line and something I had never even thought about.” This was what caught Remus’ attention. For the first time since he came home, Remus looked his partner in the eye and expressed his confusion through his face. “I had never thought that you are weak or that you are lazy. You are the strongest man I know. You have battled through so many demons in your life and you have fought so hard. When you go through your episodes, I don’t think you are lazy or that you are faking it. I know that you have found them hard but you could pull out of them by yourself if you wanted to. When you tell me that you think you are entering a depressive episode, I don’t groan or think that you are faking it. I hate when you go through them but I’ll admit that I get a little happy and excited when you enter that stage.”

“Why? Why would me going through a depressive episode make you happy?”

“Okay, happy is not the right word, I realise that now.” This earned Sirius a small but amused eye roll from Remus. “I can’t think of another word, but I get a little bit happy because you let me help you. You are so strong all the time and you are always ready to take on the day. When you enter an episode, you let me take care of you instead of you always taking care of me.”

“Oh...”

Sirius stood up, walked over to Remus and kneeled in front of him. Taking his husband’s hands in his own, Sirius continued.

“Nothing I could say would make up for what I said and I will spend as long as you want making it up to you. If you still need space and don’t want to see me for a bit then that’s okay. Just stay here and I will go somewhere else. Moony, I cannot express how much I wish I hadn’t said what I said. I love you so, so much and I am so thankful that you are still here today. I know you are safe and I know that there was no truth behind my words. I just need you to know how serious I am. Everything I have said during our fights was not true. I fought the way I thought all married couples fought. But once you walked out, I realized how wrong I was.”

Remus searched his husband’s eyes. There were truth and sincerity behind them and there were tears rolling down his cheeks. Taking one of his hands, Remus placed it on Sirius’ cheek and stroked it with his thumb.

“I know, Pads. I know you didn’t mean it.”

“What can I do?”

“Sirius...”

“Please, Remus,” Sirius begged. “I don’t know how your thinking went but I know that I cannot lose you. I know this is our first big fight and I messed it up really bad. Please, my love, let me fix it. I can’t lose you...” Sirius was crying as he held his lover’s hand against his cheek. He had been so worried that Remus would walk out of their marriage but he couldn’t stand the thought of him doing it. Remus sunk down in front of Sirius and pulled him in, resting Sirius’ head on his chest.

“I’m not leaving, love. I’m here. We have a lot of things to work through, I think we both know that. We both said things we shouldn’t have that night, you weren’t the only one at fault. But, my dear, I’m not walking out. When I said my vows and I said ‘I will love you even when we fight,’ I didn’t lie. I haven’t stopped loving you and I don’t think I ever will.” Remus put his hands on the sides of his husband’s face and pulled him away so he could look into his eyes. “I love you, Sirius Orion Lupin-Black. We may be fighting but I’m not giving up on us any time soon.”

“I love you too. I’ll continue to try to make it up to you.”

“I have no doubt you will. The flowers are a nice start, my love.”


End file.
